WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER IS SCARED

One of my daughters is and has always been terrified of shots.

Tears, panic… the works.

As she just turned 11, we knew that there are shots in her very near future, since her annual check-up was coming up. So I braced the subject the day before as nonchalantly as I could.

Her own goal for the past couple of years has been to not cry at the doctor’s office… a goal she was still aiming to reach.

So what really happens at the doctor’s office that makes it so scary, I asked?!

Because she has never once cried because of the actual shot.

Okay, maybe when she was a baby, when out of nowhere she was poked by a strange person.

But from the moment that she was old enough to understand that she was getting a shot, it has never been the actual pain of the shot that made her cry… Ever.

Heck, some years she couldn’t even feel it!

So we figured out, that what has actually made her cry were her painful thoughts about it.

Beforehand.

Isn’t that crazy?!

The shots are usually fine. Yes, uncomfortable, but as you know, really never so bad that it would actually make one cry.

Instead, her thoughts do that. Thoughts are that powerful!

And it’s totally fine being afraid, I said. Of course.

It’s a new situation that’s a little scary.

Welcome the fear.

But know that that fear is not generated by the sharp needle or the looming painful shot…

But rather your thoughts about it.

“So what are those thoughts that your brain is generating?” I asked her.

“It’ll be so painful and scary.”

So I told her: if I thought the thought: “it’ll be so painful and scary,” I would completely freak myself out as well! That’s exactly what those thoughts do to anyone who thinks them.

I’m already feeling the flutters in my chest and tummy, just saying this sentence “it’ll be so painful and scary” out loud.

So what thoughts do you think would be more useful to think when we are at the doctor’s office?

After a little deliberation, she came up with these…

“It’s scary, but I can handle it.”

“I’m courageous, I’ve got this.”

“It’ll be quick, I’ve done it before many times.”

At some point on the way to the doctor’s office she started crying in the car… I let her for a moment, but then said:

“The reason you are crying right now is because of the scary thoughts you are currently thinking. What are they?”

After sharing them, she reminded herself of the thoughts she picked on purpose, and chose this hybrid one: “I’m scared, but I can do this.”

What feeling does that generate for you, I asked her?

Determination.

Three shots later, a proud girl walked out from the doctor’s office.

After sharing the happy news with her 16 year-old cousin, he said:

“I actually love getting shots. I think they feel good.”

Which completely blew everyone’s mind.

But it was a good reminder – the shots and the sharp needles are completely neutral – neither good nor bad.

It’s always just our thoughts about them that make them terrifying or fun.

So this is just the beginning of diving deep into being aware of our thoughts, which are always the ones generating our feelings… not the shots, or the looming presentation, or that audition.

Letting ourselves feel the fear, by looking at the thoughts that we are thinking…  

And choosing on purpose what would serve us best.

Feel the fear?

In this case, do it determinedly anyway.

**What is your daughter currently afraid of?

Use it as an opportunity to point out that it’s always her thinking that’s creating the fear, not the actual situation or circumstance.

The world can’t make her feel anything - whether it’s scared, happy, or humiliated - it’s always her thoughts that do that.

And this is important to know, because this is where her power lies. She can’t control getting a shot, but she can always control how she shows up for it.