Our daughters grow up with a modern fairy tale – which comes from some of the magazines she picks up, the movies or shows she watches, and social media posts.  

And the story goes that if her body looked DIFFERENT - more like the cultural ideal - then she would be HAPPY.  

Because with smaller thighs or bigger breasts, higher cheekbones, and a smaller waist, she would feel LOVED, DESIRABLE and ATTRACTIVE…

and not feel SAD or REJECTED again.

It’s a modern fairy tale that changing how she looks

IS the solution to her problem.

Any problem.

And by looking a certain way, not only would she be able to escape NEGATIVE emotion, she would also land in lots of POSITIVE ones.

Friendships, success, a new boyfriend…

All attainable through a flatter stomach!

Says our society, with which her brain has been trained to agree.

And as our daughters enter puberty, her world starts to shift.

Biologically she is wired to “get ready to leave the nest,” so she starts looking beyond her family to her friends, community, role-models in order to establish herself.  

And what she so often sees projected back at her is this very message…

The problem is in the way you look!

Once you fix that, the gates to happiness will finally open.

So fueled by this promise, she decides to focus on losing weight…

And weeks or months go by before she finally reaches her goal.

And she is absolutely thrilled!! 

But when she looks around, she is surprised to find that unicorns are still not prancing around. And rainbows still don’t pop up from the ground she walks on.

It’s still the exact same life, with smaller thighs perhaps.  

Sure, a couple OMG’s here and there, but even those die down at some point.

And she suddenly realizes…

OH WAIT, I GOT IT ALL WRONG!

The answer is in my stomach! A flatter stomach will finally do it…

And so she forges on to finding happiness.

Some Moms may wonder why body image is such an important topic for our girls.

And in short, the answer is this:

Her negative thoughts about her body have the power to make your daughter HIDE.

Hide from auditioning for that play.

Or trying out for the swim, volleyball, or debate teams.

Or going to that party.

Or even just raising her hand in class.

Because low body image often wants her to hide away from her peers, and even from her big goals.

To be invisible.

To not draw attention to herself in certain areas of her life.

Because if she believes that her body is not good enough… not acceptable enough.

That people will laugh, judge, or make comments about her.

All those thoughts have the power to keep her small.

Very small.  

Putting up invisible fences in her mind of what she CAN and CAN’T do.

What’s acceptable and what’s not.

So at Girls Revolution, we help Moms and girls

SLAY THESE INVISIBLE FENCES,

and instead help open up her path:

To run for class President.

Go to that summer camp.

Or join a new group of friends.

Because all her dreams run on thoughts that give her

ENERGY, MOMENTUM and POWER!

And the skills to create them are available to her…

Right now.

We all have an opinion about our bodies.

A collection of thoughts that we have compiled over the years.

And because your brain’s job is to critique – since evolutionarily speaking focusing in on the negative can help humans survive much longer than enjoying the beauty of a flower while a tiger attacks us from behind - for many of us, these automatic thoughts are not pretty.

AND AS A RESULT,

YOUR BRAIN HAS HAD YEARS TO TRAIN ITSELF TO CRITICIZE YOUR BODY.

Which means that you now have A PATTERN.

And contrary to popular belief, this pattern won’t change just because your body changes.

Changing your body is actually NEVER going to fix the problem.

Because when your brain is used to criticizing,

- no matter what body you show your brain -

it will just search for the FLAWS, and find them like a boss.

Like a cat who brings a dead mouse to your front steps, looking mighty proud.  

But now you are here… living in the 21st century.

And if you are reading this, then you are probably no longer foraging in the wild, fighting for your survival each day.

Instead, you can take it from here.

Telling your lower brain, thanks, but I’ve got this from now on.

And this very old, primitive brain will rebel against this, trying to convince you that focusing on how unacceptable your body is, is the way forward!

But one thought or story at a time you can learn to let these go, rewriting or redirecting them… with your PREFRONTAL CORTEX.

Because that’s actually where your true power lies.

And so does your daughter’s.

Because this newer part of her human brain, the prefrontal cortex, is the seat of reason, logic, and foresight.

And has the ultimate power to slay any critical thoughts it finds.

So your daughter doesn’t have to be upset or BELIEVE any of these thoughts that may pop up in her brain.

Instead, she just needs to learn to take control of them…

one thought at a time.

Sometimes your brain may just want to sit in a rocking chair and worry, criticize, or just judge all day…

And it’s allowed to want to do that, because you can’t control the thoughts that pop into your head.

But once you notice your brain’s agenda for the moment or the day, that’s when you get to decide:

Whether you are going to LISTEN to these thoughts.

Or how you want to THINK about these thoughts.

Or whether you just want to CHOOSE NEW ONES altogether.

Sometimes your power is loud and fierce – like a battle cry, taking on the world on the soccer field.

But other times it’s soft and gentle.

Gently guiding your thoughts towards ideas that serve you.

Because your lower brain is programmed to do its thing -

wanting to worry, wanting to judge, wanting to replay embarrassing moments over and over again.

But with your prefrontal cortex you always get to be in charge of the direction it takes.

And without judging your ancient brain for being so outdated…

You step back into your power -

with every thought you choose.

Our brains tend to believe that when we finally lose the weight, finish that big race, or perhaps get a 100 likes on that selfie we posted… we will finally feel beautiful.

We will finally feel CONFIDENT about the way we look.

And our brains might also believe that there is an ACTUAL POINT - a certain weight or a goal – which when we finally reach, our emotions will then officially switch over from perhaps feeling insecure about our bodies, to full-blown, never receding CONFIDENCE!

But of course, there is no such point…

Or even a magic number on a scale.

Or a race that will prove that your body is amazing.

Or even a pageant that will finally make you believe that you ARE officially beautiful.

Because how it ACTUALLY works is a funny thing…

Because I can be sitting here in my pajamas typing this, feeling awesome about my body, while a beauty pageant winner, with a fresh crown on her head, could very well be feeling insecure while she is thinking – this is a mistake, I don’t deserve this.

And that’s because our emotions NEVER come from anything OUTSIDE of us – a trophy, a crown, a number on a scale, or even a billion OMGs.

Instead, what BODY CONFIDENCE boils down to…

IS JUST AWESOME THOUGHTS ABOUT OUR BODIES.

Awesome thoughts - that we ACTUALLY believe.

That’s it.

And so it matters not one bit, what SIZE this body is, how FIRM it is, or even how YOUNG or OLD it is.

Just the QUALITY of the thoughts we think.

So let’s say that I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror…

My brain might then immediately offer up a lovely thought to think.

Let’s go with the classic: “I don’t look good.”

That one thought will most likely release other thoughts…

I shouldn’t have eaten those pastries last night. Why didn’t I wake up early to exercise? I’m so lazy. What is wrong with me?!

And then all of those sentences will generate my FEELING…

Perhaps I feel disappointed in myself. Possibly even feel shame.

And shame usually wants us to hide…. so I might then go up to my room and watch Netflix. And for good measure, grab another pastry on my way.

We tend to think that we have to be more disciplined in our EATING + EXERCISING – in order to feel great in our bodies.

But instead, we have to be WAY more disciplined

IN OUR THINKING.

Because your brain will offer up all kinds of judgmental thoughts – all day every day.

But you don’t have to BELIEVE or GO ALONG with any one of them.

The reason you might automatically do is because you think that it will somehow motivate you to get on that exercise bike.

But more often than not, it’ll just plop you down on the couch, right next to the remote control.

Because it’s a SLOG trying to work out from insecurity, shame, or disappointment…

SO YOUR DAUGHTER needs to learn how NOT to spiral out with judgmental thoughts that her brain might offer up…

Because no matter what, her thoughts are ALWAYS optional.

And she can learn to just let them go, or choose powerful new ones

- that fuel her CONFIDENCE, MOTIVATION or STRENGTH -

whenever she would like.