WHAT TO SAY WHEN SOMETHING “BAD” HAPPENS

We are in Colorado right now virtual schooling for a month, and one of my daughters was climbing down a big rock wall… it was challenging for her and the last part she really wanted to do, but was trying it/thinking about how to do it for about 20 minutes.

After many attempts, she finally did it.

But in the last stretch of it, she unexpectedly slid down a tree trunk in the process… instead of just holding onto it.

And hence has a gnarly bruise to show for it.

Whether your daughter also has a recent bruise, or someone told her that she is not good at something, or whatever else it might be, these are the perfect times to remind our daughters of this:

After something “bad” happens, your brain will immediately and automatically write a story about it for you…

Whether it’s: “Oh my god, don’t ever rock climb again, or you’ll get hurt even worse next time!”

Or “See, I told you you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I knew you’d get hurt! That was so stupid to even try.”

Or just the classic conclusion: “I guess I’m not very good at rock climbing.”

However, all of these thoughts are optional.

Your brain will most likely immediately write a tragic story about it… and put it in your memory bank, since it’s programmed in a way that when there is a big emotion involved, it thinks it’s important to remember. And since its main job is to keep you alive, when you actually get hurt, it will make it into a pretty big deal.

So first notice what your brain is automatically saying… what is it right now? What are the dramatic thoughts that it’s offering you?

And then know, that you get to think about this story any way you would like…

“Getting gnarly bruises means that I’m super adventurous.”

“I learned a lot from that, next time I’ll be able to do it even better.”

So the idea is not just to offer new thoughts to our daughters… which we often do as moms. But to empower her by saying that every time something difficult happens to you, your brain will immediately write a story about it… and that story is always optional. You get to create a story about anything that happens to you in your life, in a way that actually serves you.

So how do you want to think about this on purpose?

As a victim or as a hero?

And moms, believe it or not, you can revisit any story from your past as well… whether it happened yesterday or 30 years ago, and rewrite it any way you would like.

Your brain will say that the truth is how you currently think about it.

But it never is.

All you have is thoughts about what happened in your past.

And those thoughts are always optional, no matter what.

I had the perfect family to make me who I am today… as opposed to… I wish my upbringing had been very different.

And why would we do this? Why would we want to change our thinking and our beliefs?

Because if you are a victim of your story, you are powerless.

You’ll just drag your past into your present, always thinking that your life would be better if your past had been different…

But when you are the hero, it propels you into your future as someone who feels capable.

And both are optional.

Always.

No matter what happened to you in your past.

So let’s start teaching our girls that they can be the heroes in all their stories, one gnarly bruise at a time.

Send it. ;-)

(Colorado term for outdoor enthusiasts, which means “to really go big on a board, skis, climbing, etc. knowing that the consequences of failing will be painful, but the joy of following through outweighs the risk.” And “to summon one’s courage at the outset of an attempt.”)

P.S. Favorite sticker so far. :-) I think the designer has been following us on our hikes and felt inspired…